Every year, without fail, I am sick on my birthday. Most times, it’s nothing major, a head cold here, a sinus infection there. But this year, it’s Influenza A. However, while I am writing this, it is not exactly my birthday yet. That’s tomorrow.

I am going to give some tips on what to do when you’re home all alone, sick and feel like dying.

1. Complain. Don’t let anyone forget how sick you are. Constantly remind them about what hurts, and what it feels like.

2. Sleep. It’s my favorite pastime, but make sure you snore loud enough to keep anyone else that may be around awake. Make sure to sleep at weird hours too; so that when you’re up, nobody else is.

3. Drink fluids. Not soda, but copious amounts of orange juice. Why? Because apparently it helps you get better faster, but it also makes your throw up look even grosser.

4. Whine. Did I mention that already? I wasn’t kidding.

People good for whining at:

a. Your mom, unless she’s like mine and tells you to knock it off.

b. Your dad.

c. All of your siblings, near or far.

d. Your significant other, if applicable.

e. People on the internet.

5. Shower. Hot baths and showers are probably the best when you’re sick. Because they loosen up all the snot in your head so you can breathe, and make your muscles hurt less when it’s the flu.

6. Get better. I can’t write a step for this one, but sometimes it involves going to the doctors’ and waiting in their white, sterilized rooms; where they touch you with cold hands and ask what hurts. If it comes down to that, take your mom, because they always know what’s wrong with you.

The first and last step, just don’t get sick anymore. Life is just easier if you can manage that.

For your time, and listening (or reading) to me whine, here’s a picture of kittens in cups.

Seriously, don’t get sick. It really sucks. Especially if it’s the flu; it is absolutely horrid this year. At least the type I got is. (Maybe it will just get me out of going to school for this whole week. We’ll see. )